Being Your Own Best Friend

Fear of the name is worse than fear of the thing itself. Hermione Granger said it first I think. Referring to everyone’s fear of speaking about “He who must not be named” in the Harry Potter series.

I’ve learned this, in my own life, on an increasing level. All of my stress and anxiety stems from more fear of my feelings and my relationship with myself if the worst should happen, than the thing itself. I’m more afraid of how I will feel than the actual situation.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Another thing I have learned – there are some things in life that are beyond our control. Other people’s choices for example. Natural disasters. The state of the economy and businesses going bankrupt, leaving you out of a job. People deciding that maybe you are not the one for them. Out of all these things, the way we feel about ourselves is often worse than the situations surrounding us. The choices and reactions we make from this place of fear, from this place of powerlessness. The ugly part of ourselves we show when we feel challenged, when we, either consciously or unconsciously start to try to control and manipulate the people and the situations around us. The stress that accumulates from holding on too tightly to the way we feel, we believe, it’s supposed to be.

Sometimes I catch myself amidst all this inner turmoil and every fibre of my being shouts STOP! ENOUGH!. Sometimes I have to physically unclench my fists, or visualise my fists all clenched up and then release them. Sometimes I have to cry. Sometimes the crying is so strong that it feels like vomiting up my emotions, because I feel them so strongly in my stomach that my system can’t handle them anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in it all. I can’t be there for anyone anymore until I am there for myself. Oh the pain of being a highly sensitive person. The pain of being an Empath and not knowing exactly who’s feelings and fears are swirling around your body like a cyclone.

I have learnt to soften my body when I suddenly realise that all of this is going on. I let it wash over me. I feel all of it, and when I feel strong enough, I work on accepting it. On saying repeatedly, under my breath, that’s it’s ok. These feelings are a valued part of me too. I accept them. I accept myself. It’s ok to feel this way.

I allow myself to feel my fear, my love, my joy, my anguish, as it comes up. By heck it hurts sometimes. I feel so drained when I feel all of these emotions in my system. The trouble is, when I don’t acknowledge them, the energy it takes to pretend or deny or stuff down is so much more. So much more tiresome and irksome.

The way to be your own best friend is to accept all of these parts of yourself.

It is trusting that an ideal solution already exists, and sitting with the feelings and the situation, without judgement, until the solution appears.

Ask: “What does this situation or feeling want me to know? What is the message in it?”

Be open to whatever comes up.

It takes bravery. It takes strength. But nothing is worse than the atrophy and inertia, the underlying fear, of denying aspects of yourself, is there?

Love and blessings,

Lucy Loizou.

Picking Yourself Back Up

There are times in life when you feel uninspired and everything feels like a chore. There are times when you feel you have lost touch with yourself and that you’re not on the right path anymore. You feel lost. You criticise yourself and feed yourself with the wrong foods, watch copious amounts of television or play games with your phone to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you’re not living on purpose.

There are times that you remember, not so long ago, when you felt you were living on purpose. You felt empowered, inspired, organised. You worked on your projects and priorities every day and you could clearly see the design you envisioned for yourself, for your life.

Then there are the times when you realise that you needed the time out to rest and relax, to really listen to yourself. You realise you were in a cocoon – storing up your energy for the next stage of the design. Perhaps the design looks different now. Perhaps you have changed during your downtime. Things look different. You have learned something about yourself. Your recent lessons have now become a part of you. You are wiser, stronger. Fresh. Different.

Then there are the times when you drop anchor in the resting place and don’t get back up. You start to feel down. Inertia drew you in. Watching telly becomes a habit you can’t seem to break. So does lying – in regularly instead of getting up to exercise. Ordering takeaways instead of cooking fresh foods. Leaving the dishes in the sink until they build up. Turning down opportunities to grow because they feel too uncomfortable.

It feels so difficult to get back up again – but there will come a time when you can’t take it anymore. Trust that there will come a time when you are bored with your inertia. Will you be brave enough to pull yourself up to a standing position? That’s all you have to do first. Summon the strength, the energy to get up. Take a deep breath. Mentally, or out loud, say “Enough!”

Perhaps you will you start with clearing away a small a bit of clutter in your nearest vicinity. Make your bed, open the blinds, perhaps a window, and then you will let the sunshine in, and feel the fresh air on your face. Breathing life back into you.

You might then decide you want to wash your face and brush your teeth, put some comfortable clothes on. And then you sit down – on the bed or on the sofa. You offer a prayer to the room, to God, to anyone who will listen. “Now what?”

You look outside the window, and in a hit of inspiration, you whisper “ a walk”. You pull on your trainers and head outside, and escape to your nearest bit of scenery, even if it’s only in your garden, on the street or in your village, but preferably a woods or some pasture. You feel the wind in your hair, on your face, your feet hitting the pavement. You notice the sound of the birds in the air and the blue of the sky. The smell of nature. And with each step, you start to feel alive again. Perhaps, still a little sad. Still a little confused and down, but you feel the stirrings in your soul, telling you that you will be ok. New beginnings await you. You feel a flicker of hope in your heart. You are becoming one with all that is, even if it is only for a brief time, you can feel the connection with a world that is bigger than yourself.

You get back home and put the kettle on. Make yourself a steaming hot cup of your favourite beverage, and sit down with it. In front of a beautiful notebook and a smooth pen. You write down three goals for yourself. Three baby steps to help you to get back on track. Baby steps that don’t involve the will of others.

What are they?

I hope you have fun with this exercise – if you need help deciding on your three goals and how to fit them into your life, feel free to contact me on my Facebook page for information about a session with me.

Love and blessings,
Lucy Loizou.

Resistance Is Futile

Life happens, that’s a fact. No matter how spiritual we are, no matter the kind of relationship we feel we have with the creator, sooner or later, challenges come up that we have to face. We live in a world where we do not only have our free will, but everyone’s free will.

There is a collective unconscious, and a collective Karma, as well as our own. We also have the lessons we agreed to learn before we incarnated into this life. And then the choices we have made – whether they were wise choices or not. There is cause and effect.

Sooner or later something will happen and we might feel like everything we have worked towards, all we have learned, is lost. We feel lost, we feel scared, angry, confused, hopeless. These feelings are natural of course, and then when we feel them we feel that we are back at square one.

We may feel that we have reached a stage where we “deserve” not to encounter such inconveniences again. I for one, when something like this happens, crumble for a moment. You are likely to find me, sat on the kitchen floor like a child, melting into tears. Expressing my anger and disappointment for a few moments. Letting the tide of emotion wash over me. Resistance is futile. The feelings are real. You can’t stuff them down. They will come again as illness in your body. As dis – ease. Neither can you find solutions when filled with the tension of these feelings.
You have to sit with them for a while. This is just one example.

Life is a rollercoaster. There are things outside of ourselves that we have no control over. War machines, bankruptcy of the companies we work for, car accidents, earthquakes. We can’t control other people’s choices or behaviours, we can’t control the forces of Mother Nature.
Resistance is futile. These things will happen no matter how evolved we are as individuals, at least until the whole world evolves.

If resistance is futile, and all of these things are out of our control, then what is in our control? Who is the one constant in our lives? We are. You are. You are the person that you will have known the longest in your life. You are the person with whom you are in relationship ALWAYS.

This is where the strength lies. I have been on a rollercoaster these last two years, of joy and sadness, of scary learning and empowering learning. What I have been crafting most is my relationship with myself. I have been learning how I tick on a much deeper level, and trust myself now. I am my own best friend, and I like who I am. In fact, sometimes, I think I’m a pretty cool person. It’s taken a lot of work. I know now that, no matter what happens, I will survive, learn and grow. I know how to get back on my throne when I get knocked off, as the Queen, the Goddess of my own life. Granted, I won’t enjoy it when these lessons come around, when life does a 360 on me, who would?

The time to cultivate this self-knowledge, and the tools and habits to help oneself get back on one’s throne, is when everything is going well. It takes work and discipline, but discipline in a beautiful way. Discipline is controlling your thoughts and words in order to cultivate unconditional love for oneself, to cultivate your life purpose, your dreams, and the ability to listen to and to know you deserve what you need at any given time.

Over the coming months I will be sharing tools and practices that can help to build this throne and to keep you on it, but there are two tools that I have always advocated that you can start right now.

1) Writing a journal – Yes I know. I am always harping on about self-awareness. But really, if you don’t understand who you really are and what makes you tick, what makes you stronger, then how can you make the most life affirming choices? Do yourself a favour – go to a bookstore or stationers and treat yourself to beautiful notebook or diary, one that inspires you to spend time with it. Maybe even a pen or two in your favourite colour. Write in it or draw in it at least three times a week. Your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Your dreams for the future.

2) Meditation – at least 15 minutes a day. You can listen to your breath, or say a mantra or repeat an affirmation, or even listen to a guided meditation. You can find plenty of free guided meditations online or even download one onto your device for your convenience. This will help you to develop the skill of listening to yourself, of presence and being mindful and accepting of what is happening in the present moment. It gives your body time to rejuvenate and slow down as well. It’s a win – win really, isn’t it?

I would love to hear your own thoughts and experiences – please feel free to share with me. Also, watch this space for details on how to receive practical tools and tips for developing your relationship with yourself, and how never to miss a blog again.

Wishing you love, and Angel blessings,

Lucy Loizou

Meditation

Well, I haven’t written anything new for a while. Sometimes, you need to stop doing and go into peaceful isolation with your maker and rest your spirit a while. I guess this is what I have been doing. Recharging my batteries, shoring up my meditation routine and developing the spiritual and mental fortitude for the next stage of my life journey, whatever that may involve.

Another aspect would be that sometimes you need to help by helping and giving time in a physical sense rather than just writing about helping in a way that will inspire others to help themselves. I do love writing in the hope that my journey, my learning, will inspire, help, and give hope to others who may be going through similar experiences and feelings. Sometimes, though, people need real-time help and strength that is specific for them and their situation.

If life is a balance between giving and receiving, it also a balance between doing and being. Both are important. During my recent time out from writing I have been working on developing a more regular meditation practise. The ideal, I believe, is 10 – 20 minutes in the morning, and the same again in the evening. This is like a daily snapshot of the bigger picture in life. You start the day in communing with the Divine, this is the receiving part. The being part. You temporarily let go of the perception of separation from all that is, you just are. You are soaked up in the Divine energies and learn to just listen to that still quiet voice within. This then sets you up for a day of doing and giving. Of creating and learning and practising what you have learned. Then, before we go to bed into that unconscious state of dreamland, another stage of just being, communing, receiving, and showing gratitude.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t easy to start with. For ages I have listened to guided meditations because the instructions and the music helped to stop my mind from wondering. I still use them through the day or as I am going to sleep. But if you think about, they still involve doing. You encouraged to use imagination and visualise, which is helpful in itself. But I felt called to breathing meditation. Twenty minutes when you pay attention to the ebb and flow of your breath. You become aware of your heartbeat. You become aware of how many thoughts run through your mind in a dizzying minute, and imagine them as if they are on a stage or on a boat drifting by. You don’t settle on them. You recognise them, let them go and take your next breath. You become more aware of your body, it’s heaviness on the bed. The sensation of sheets or the air in the room on your skin. The birds tweeting outside your window. And you let it go on. Around you. You let it go – you are of it – of the same star-dust, and yet you are not. You may become aware of feelings you didn’t know you had. You feel them bubble up through your heart, through your throat, up into your head. Maybe your eyes release the tear drops, and through it all, you keep your focus on your breath. Every time your mind wonders, you smile lovingly and bring your attention back.

You may find that you have received inspiration and solutions to situations you felt were impossible to resolve, and in gratitude, you release them for the time being, in joy as well, and bring your attention back to your breath.

And then your calming and gentle mobile phone alarm goes off, informing you that you accomplished your intention of twenty minutes of meditation. You say a prayer of gratitude to the Divine for it’s presence, take a final deep breath, and gently, slowly open your eyes. You put your feet to the ground, and imagine roots going deep into the Earth, planting you firmly in the Earthly Mother and her amazing strength. You stretch your arms up over your head to the heavens, and branches go up – way, way up into the sky, connecting you to the Heavenly Father, to Divine guidance through the day.

Now you are all set. The smile on your face is connected to the smile in your heart and the smile in your soul and the smile your eyes.

You affirm: “I am a Child of God. I am His”

And then you have a Blessed day.

Love and blessings,

Lucy Loizou xx

Angelina’s Story

There once was a little girl,

who felt lonely and afraid.

She wanted to be strong,

She wanted to be brave.

She went for a little walk,

to see what she could see.

Looked up into the sky,

there was a figure in a tree.

Beautiful and bright,

surrounded by light;

the girl was quite surprised,

when she looked into its eyes.

A feeling of great love,

and lots of peace besides.

“Hello there, do I know you?”

The girl spoke from her heart.

“I am your guardian angel,

we have never been apart”

The girl stood rooted to the spot,

her eyes did let go little drops,

of tears so crystalline, so pure,

her heart did open like a door.

“I feel so afraid and lonely,

so different then the rest,

I try so hard to get along,

I really do my best”

“Don’t be afraid,”

The angel then replied,

“I am always with you,

right here by your side.

Remember you are not alone,

not even for a day,

God is always in your heart,

and that is where he’ll stay.”

The angel came down from the tree,

so beautiful and bright.

Huge feathery wings she had,

and dressed up all in white.

The girl just stood there, mesmerised,

as she hovered in the light.

“Whenever you feel lost or scared,

just draw yourself within.

I tell you, you will find God there,

you’ll find Him, there in”

The girl then thanked the angel,

as she was covered with its wings.

Wrapped in its embrace she was,

her soul began to sing.

As she made her way back home,

she looked down to the ground,

and saw a big white feather there,

just waiting to be found.

She picked it up and kept it,

as a gift from up above.

It was to be her reminder,

of the angel’s deep felt love.

Whenever she felt lonely,

lost scared or afraid,

she went in to her private place,

and their in deeply prayed.

She grew up strong and healthful,

a kind and gentle being.

Who shared her wondrous talents,

and helped those who had trouble seeing.

She helped them to realise,

to truly see the light,

that they had an angel,

strong and true,

watching over them,

day and night.

 

Love, peace and angel blessings,

Lucy Loizou.

Eternal Happiness

“For to weigh thy happiness according to that which may befall thee is to live as a slave. And to live according to the Angels which speak within thee, is to be free”

(Szekely, p80)

This is Jesus, speaking about happiness as an inside job, according to dead sea scrolls. From the Gospel of the Essenes. I have been writing a lot about happiness recently, and personal power is a favourite topic of mine also.

In this passage I feel like Jesus is really speaking of personal power. It is straight after the passage about serving two masters.

Religion and spirituality are indeed two separate things. Religion suggests adherence to certain laws and dogmas whereas spirituality suggests a search for the truth and the meaning of life. Many times both words are used interchangeably. I come from a religious background but I steered away from it some time ago for personal reasons, but I have come to realise that some things are true no matter how you look at them, but they are expressed in different ways from different histories and congregations.

Money, possessions, the quest for self-improvement and self  – actualization, these are not in themselves bad things that take one away from God or the Kingdom of Heaven. I don’t think that this is what the teachings mean. It is the attachment to these things above all else that is the problem. Selling yourself out for the sake of these things is the problem.

We all develop a set of values over time. Some were given to us as children or through experiences growing up – some belong to other people and we eventually let them go when we realise that they don’t resonate with us after some time. Some we keep because after all is said and done, they still add value and meaning to our lives.

There is also intuition – the quiet voice within that speaks from our highest self, from spirit, or even the Angels as Jesus mentions above.

When we are willing to go against all of these voices for the sake of the things we think we want, that is when we are divided against ourselves. This is when we lose our sense of self, our sense of peace and oneness and we become slaves. We are no longer able to ask questions about the rightness of the people we work for, about the justness and integrity of the status quo. We follow blindly, and land the blame on our circumstances.

I believe that it is right and just to look upon all that we achieved on this Earth, everything we have earned, our homes, sacred memories, our favourite clothes and the food we eat, our friends and family, and the ability to speak our minds freely without persecution, with gratitude.

What scripture and the ancient writings warn against is becoming dependant on these things for our happiness and sense of self-worth. It in the nature of the universe for things to come and go, to ebb and flow.

And then there is Karma and the lessons we agreed to learn before we born into this world.There are also the reactions and the choices we make that effect our quality of life. The lesson is to have gratitude without attachment.

If you get a bowl of water right now – or go to the tap. Try and clench the water with your hands – what happens? The water flows away. However, if your open your hands up into a cup, you are ready to receive that which the universe wishes to give you. That which is for your highest good.

Let go. Trust.

Sit in gratitude for all that you have and more will come to you. The best things. That which is for your highest good. If something refuses to come, perhaps it is not for you. Let it go and do something else. It may not be the right time. Follow the still, quiet inner voice. That is where the Divine speaks to you.

The power of your ultimate happiness lies not in external things. It is in your perspective. When you are in touch with your inner world, no matter happens, the world can do to you whatever it wants, you will always know yourself. You will begin again and be stronger. Nothing can take your inner world away from you. That is your strength. That is your power.

“Ye cannot serve God and also serve the world. Perchance thy well goeth dry, precious oil is spilled, thy house burneth, thy crops wither: but thou dost treat what may befall thee with wisdom and love. Rains again shall fill the well, houses again can be built, new seeds can be sown: all these things shall pass away. But the Kingdom of Heaven is eternal, and shall not pass away. Do ye not, then, barter that which is eternal, for that which dieth in an hour.” ( Szekely, p81).

Wishing you peace, love and blessings,

Lucy Loizou.

E.B Szekely (1987): “The Gospel Of The Essenes”; 5th impression; C.W. Daniel CO, Ltd, Essex, England.

Flow

In my last blog, I wrote about my newfound search for happiness and I mentioned that I would be getting back to you all and reporting on what I find. I’ve been using several techniques, but the most difference has occurred by my epiphany in my last blog that we are built to be happy, and that it is just and right to seek happiness.

I was sat in bed (my office – as those of you who know me well will know) and was thinking about the days when I am tired – or just after work when I am tired. Or when I have a large amount of time off work, and I feel like I should be resting, but I end up watching so much TV or playing so many computer games that I feel stuck in a rut. There are other times when I feel like a week’s holiday from work is so precious – that I can’t decide what to do with it. There are so many options for me – so much that I really want to achieve in my life, that I feel overwhelmed. I end up worrying that I would be enjoying something else more and so don’t relax into the task or pass – time that I am currently doing.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It doesn’t really sound very present or mindful does it?

There is this thing called “Flow” – I’m sure you’ve experienced it. You’re in the middle of a piece of writing or a consultation with a customer, for example, and time just seems to disappear. It’s as if you lose all traces of self-consciousness and your totally engrossed in the task or project in hand. You forget what day it is, what time it is, the rest of the world, and you feel at peace. Fully in the present moment. You feel great during and after this session – a feeling of satisfaction and then, you’re ready to let it go, and do something else.

“Attention is like energy in that without it no work can be done, and in doing work is dissipated. We create ourselves by how we use this energy. Memories, thoughts and feelings are all shaped by how use it. And it is an energy under control, to do with as we please; hence attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience.”
― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
Doesn’t this feel like the perfect antidote to my experiences above?

What makes you feel like this? What kind of things bring about this feeling for you? I would like to invite you to write a list of them now. Go on, this blog will still be here when you get back.

There are moments when I’m at work or at home and I feel like I want to work on something, but i can’t quite put my finger on what I want to spend my time doing. Not even necessarily a project, just lacking some inspiration about how to spend my time. I have a feeling it may be because I don’t often get a day or a whole weekend to myself – having two teenagers at home. It’s quite a stuck murky feeling – and these are the times when I end up procrastinating and watching telly all day – but if i’m honest I’m not really enjoying it after the first movie or program, or after the first 45 minutes of gaming.

This morning – I wrote a list like the one I asked you to write above. Now, we are going to take a few moments to think of other projects that are important to us as well, that perhaps we have been putting off, but that we know – once we start them, we’ll get into flow and won’t want to stop. Redecorating anyone? Or how about clearing out that anything and everything draw? Add these to the list too.
It would be good for us as well to add important things like rest, play time, fun, and exercise to this list too.

Is your list ready?

Stick it up somewhere that is easily accessible (don’t worry – you can keep it private if you want to. But make sure you can get to it easily).

In our day-to-day lives, we are going to start connecting to ourselves more. Our emotions, and the physical sensations of our bodies. Are we tired? Hungry? Full of energy? Stressed? I usually pray, but you can do whatever process you feel comfortable using to get in touch with yourself – to find that place of calm in your centre. Ask yourself “what do I really want to do right now?”.
We may find that we get an immediate answer and don’t need to check our list, but if we don’t, we’ll go and look at our list and see which item draws our attention or inspires us, energizes us, the most.

Now we are going to devote at least half an hour to this item.

Don’t worry – if we get so engrossed and in the flow we can keep going with it until it no longer interests us or for up to a full hour.

Notice that I switched to using the word “we”? That was on purpose, because we are in this together. Rising tides lift all boats – not sure who first used that phrase – but it’s true. This is how I experience my flow and joy. What energizes me – inspiring myself and the people around me to live happier, more fulfilled lives,

So what do you think? Are you with me?

As always, I welcome your experiences, thoughts and feedback.

Peace, love and blessings,

Lucy Loizou