Being Your Own Best Friend

Fear of the name is worse than fear of the thing itself. Hermione Granger said it first I think. Referring to everyone’s fear of speaking about “He who must not be named” in the Harry Potter series.

I’ve learned this, in my own life, on an increasing level. All of my stress and anxiety stems from more fear of my feelings and my relationship with myself if the worst should happen, than the thing itself. I’m more afraid of how I will feel than the actual situation.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Another thing I have learned – there are some things in life that are beyond our control. Other people’s choices for example. Natural disasters. The state of the economy and businesses going bankrupt, leaving you out of a job. People deciding that maybe you are not the one for them. Out of all these things, the way we feel about ourselves is often worse than the situations surrounding us. The choices and reactions we make from this place of fear, from this place of powerlessness. The ugly part of ourselves we show when we feel challenged, when we, either consciously or unconsciously start to try to control and manipulate the people and the situations around us. The stress that accumulates from holding on too tightly to the way we feel, we believe, it’s supposed to be.

Sometimes I catch myself amidst all this inner turmoil and every fibre of my being shouts STOP! ENOUGH!. Sometimes I have to physically unclench my fists, or visualise my fists all clenched up and then release them. Sometimes I have to cry. Sometimes the crying is so strong that it feels like vomiting up my emotions, because I feel them so strongly in my stomach that my system can’t handle them anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning in it all. I can’t be there for anyone anymore until I am there for myself. Oh the pain of being a highly sensitive person. The pain of being an Empath and not knowing exactly who’s feelings and fears are swirling around your body like a cyclone.

I have learnt to soften my body when I suddenly realise that all of this is going on. I let it wash over me. I feel all of it, and when I feel strong enough, I work on accepting it. On saying repeatedly, under my breath, that’s it’s ok. These feelings are a valued part of me too. I accept them. I accept myself. It’s ok to feel this way.

I allow myself to feel my fear, my love, my joy, my anguish, as it comes up. By heck it hurts sometimes. I feel so drained when I feel all of these emotions in my system. The trouble is, when I don’t acknowledge them, the energy it takes to pretend or deny or stuff down is so much more. So much more tiresome and irksome.

The way to be your own best friend is to accept all of these parts of yourself.

It is trusting that an ideal solution already exists, and sitting with the feelings and the situation, without judgement, until the solution appears.

Ask: “What does this situation or feeling want me to know? What is the message in it?”

Be open to whatever comes up.

It takes bravery. It takes strength. But nothing is worse than the atrophy and inertia, the underlying fear, of denying aspects of yourself, is there?

Love and blessings,

Lucy Loizou.

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Picking Yourself Back Up

There are times in life when you feel uninspired and everything feels like a chore. There are times when you feel you have lost touch with yourself and that you’re not on the right path anymore. You feel lost. You criticise yourself and feed yourself with the wrong foods, watch copious amounts of television or play games with your phone to avoid the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you’re not living on purpose.

There are times that you remember, not so long ago, when you felt you were living on purpose. You felt empowered, inspired, organised. You worked on your projects and priorities every day and you could clearly see the design you envisioned for yourself, for your life.

Then there are the times when you realise that you needed the time out to rest and relax, to really listen to yourself. You realise you were in a cocoon – storing up your energy for the next stage of the design. Perhaps the design looks different now. Perhaps you have changed during your downtime. Things look different. You have learned something about yourself. Your recent lessons have now become a part of you. You are wiser, stronger. Fresh. Different.

Then there are the times when you drop anchor in the resting place and don’t get back up. You start to feel down. Inertia drew you in. Watching telly becomes a habit you can’t seem to break. So does lying – in regularly instead of getting up to exercise. Ordering takeaways instead of cooking fresh foods. Leaving the dishes in the sink until they build up. Turning down opportunities to grow because they feel too uncomfortable.

It feels so difficult to get back up again – but there will come a time when you can’t take it anymore. Trust that there will come a time when you are bored with your inertia. Will you be brave enough to pull yourself up to a standing position? That’s all you have to do first. Summon the strength, the energy to get up. Take a deep breath. Mentally, or out loud, say “Enough!”

Perhaps you will you start with clearing away a small a bit of clutter in your nearest vicinity. Make your bed, open the blinds, perhaps a window, and then you will let the sunshine in, and feel the fresh air on your face. Breathing life back into you.

You might then decide you want to wash your face and brush your teeth, put some comfortable clothes on. And then you sit down – on the bed or on the sofa. You offer a prayer to the room, to God, to anyone who will listen. “Now what?”

You look outside the window, and in a hit of inspiration, you whisper “ a walk”. You pull on your trainers and head outside, and escape to your nearest bit of scenery, even if it’s only in your garden, on the street or in your village, but preferably a woods or some pasture. You feel the wind in your hair, on your face, your feet hitting the pavement. You notice the sound of the birds in the air and the blue of the sky. The smell of nature. And with each step, you start to feel alive again. Perhaps, still a little sad. Still a little confused and down, but you feel the stirrings in your soul, telling you that you will be ok. New beginnings await you. You feel a flicker of hope in your heart. You are becoming one with all that is, even if it is only for a brief time, you can feel the connection with a world that is bigger than yourself.

You get back home and put the kettle on. Make yourself a steaming hot cup of your favourite beverage, and sit down with it. In front of a beautiful notebook and a smooth pen. You write down three goals for yourself. Three baby steps to help you to get back on track. Baby steps that don’t involve the will of others.

What are they?

I hope you have fun with this exercise – if you need help deciding on your three goals and how to fit them into your life, feel free to contact me on my Facebook page for information about a session with me.

Love and blessings,
Lucy Loizou.

The Truth about Happily Ever After.

The run up to my birthday this year has brought on some serious self reflection. I am about to become 37. Another three years and I will be 40. I never thought my age would bother me, but I have come to the realisation that somewhere, in the back of my mind, 40 is my adult number. The age at which I am to have it altogether, to have achieved my success, whatever that would look like. When I realised I had three more years to reach this age, I started to realise that maybe, just maybe, I won’t live forever. I started to see my life as a timeline. Going back to the beginning and reliving moments, reliving times when I was just existing, relaxing, playing. Reliving times when I limited myself, not realising my right to be here, my right to be happy in my own way. Living a life of people pleasing and thinking that other people knew more than me and I was obligated to listen to their advice more than my own.

My exact thought was, shouldn’t I be well on my way to my own Happily Ever After by now? Shouldn’t I be sorted? We live a life of expecting this state of being sorted – knowing who we are, the perfect relationship, career, family, home, so that we don’t have to worry about it anymore. A stage of stasis, It is perpetuated by children’s fairy tales, by the movies, and cartoons. Happily Ever After, and that is where the story ends.

What happened to Snow White, Sleeping Beauty – after the wedding? After the story ends? Is that the end of their yearning? Their sole purpose in life?

You might think I’m being cynical, but in this earthly life, in our time here, there is no happy ever after. There might be happier ever after, or pretending to be happy after after. But things don’t just stop once you find the perfect career, the perfect home, the perfect family, friends or social status. Well, – correction, for some people it does stop there, but not just because of some unforeseen illness or sudden death, but because they hold on to that space in time in a death grip that prevents them from growing and learning.

The truth is, Sleeping Beauty, five years into her relationship with the prince, probably discovered that her relationship needed work and went into journalling to or therapy, in order to learn how to communicate with him better. I mean, after sleeping all of those years, one would think that she needed space to find herself, to find out who she really is, and what she wants to do with her life. The prince may have though, goodness, who is this person that I woke up with a kiss? I love her dearly but I do long for another adventure – I want to rescue someone. You see?

The truth is, we are here to evolve and learn throughout our lives. Yes it feels great to reach a goal. Yes it feels great to reach a clearer understanding of yourself and life so far. But no, it doesn’t you mean you should risk changing everything you have accomplished for the chance of something that could be even more fulfilling for you. That you shouldn’t leave your place and level of learning, you shouldn’t challenge your outlook and ideals of life again. Life without change, life without growth, is stagnation. Is death. Slow, painful, soul – destroying death.

As we learn, as we grow, we change. We understand ourselves better. We get Divine guidance to work on new projects, meet new people. These yearnings, though they might feel scary, should be tested out and considered, not just ignored so we can stay in our comfort zone.

Please always stay open and listen to those beautiful inner whisperings, calling you to learn something new. Some new skill, some different way of being or a new healthier habit. Be open to the new friends that come your way, the new experiences and opportunities that the universe brings to you. If you listen to your inner voice, and check it with common sense and a good plan, setting your intention and taking daily action, you will be living a life, not just existing one.

So, why don’t you write a list of all of the ideas and thoughts of your inner whisperings? Write a journal, draw pictures or talk to a trusted friend about the new things you are learning about yourself, and choose which actions you feel would be the best to take on next.

Love and Blessings,
Lucy Loizou.